Honestly :]

I've been having a great time this past week.
I hung out with Chris and Julie last night, just sitting around at my house. Tonight I hung out with them and Emily and Brandon. We went out to eat (went to IHOP first, sat down and got waters and realized that we really wanted Chinese food bahahahahaha) and then to play pool. It was nice :]

But now it's time to get real and do productive things.
I'm going to go with my dad tomorrow, try to get my learner's permit (2nd one ftw bahaha XD), get my PO Box, and stop in at Walgreens to ask about the application I sent out last week. I hope all goes well, fingers crossed!!!

Ohh Nicole...

So, I saw her grave today :(
It was so sad. I miss her so much.
Em's been at her house all day today.
I think Riley might be home...? If so, I can't wait for when I finally get to see him.
I should have been here before...

[Love you so much, Nicole <33]

Video Update +++ PO BOX

This is for me as well as you (if you're reading this) because obviously I haven't been making videos lately. There have been a lot of things for me to deal with, as you know from the previous entries. But now I'm going to start up again. I think I want to stockpile the videos so that when I do get busy you guys aren't left hanging, because I have 68 of you guys now! I can't leave you with nothing for so long :]
But alright, without descriptions and deadlines, these are the upcoming videos:

- Etsy/Ebay Haul
- E.L.F. Review
- Spring Break Video
- Diana F+ Deluxe Kit show and tell/review
- Things I Wish I Knew In Middle School Series
- Sweaters Video (Request)
- Tights and Socks Combo Video (Request)
- Nail Polish Video (Request)
- Video for FML
- The Nylon Video (Request)
- How To Walk In Heels Video (Request)
- How To Put On Tights/Nylons Video (Request)

And I believe that's all I've got on my plate so far ahahahaha. It's sooo much. This whole YouTube experience is going so much better than I thought it would. I just need more time :P

AND
I will be getting a PO Box on Tuesday. So if there are any products that someone (company or individual) want to send me to review, that'll be an option now. It wasn't before, since I'm not about to give strangers my address. I'd also love letters or postcards - mail is like my favourite thing ever. But I would feel really bad/guilty if people sent me gift cards and such for no reason. I mean I can't force people to not and I guess if I get gifts I'll make a video semi-often showing you guys and thanking you. But still I mean...I just talk to you on YouTube. You guys are so awesome and great and make me so happy...but it's just like...I don't deserve all of that, hahaha.
But thank you guys so much for subscribing and commenting and liking my videos. You're all so amazing!!

- Amanda

Hotel

I'm having another good day, went to Rachael's school with Emily and Christine (her mom) and Elijah (her baby brother). We're at a hotel right now. Went swimming and hot tubing :]
I'm having a really good day/evening.
We're waiting for our pizza right now.

Oh wait - it just got here! Yay!! :D

I love being home!

Yesterday and today were just so awesome.
On Wednesday my friend Chris and I picked up my sister, Emily, from school (she's a senior in high school) and went to Steak and Shake, where my friend Julie works. We got half off shakes (because of the happy hour thing ahahaha) and Julie got out of work early :] Then we went to the mall and I got (another) new nail polish. Then we went to another local store before heading downtown, where we walked around a bit before heading to the museum for this exhibit opening. At the museum we met up with our friends Allen and Corey. After the museum we went and ate cider & donuts before dropping off Julie at her house and heading to Corey's house. But we were only at Corey's house for a bit before heading home. All and all, great day.
Today was less great because the power was out from 11:30am until whenever it got turned back on. But at around 5 me and my sisters, Emily and Kayla, went out and played Laser Tag with some friends. It was awesome. We got IHOP afterwards :P
Tomorrow I'm going to go visit a college with my sister and our friend, Rachel.
I told you I was still going to be productive. And I'm going to be applying for jobs as well. It's just hard to get a job in the winter (as everyone has been telling me :/)

[Love you, Koley Joy. Going to take Riley to arcade all the time <3]

-Amanda

Home

It feels soooooo nice to be home, you don't even know :]
I'm going to tear down all the stupid posters off my wall from middle school/early high school. And I'm going to paint my walls yellow. I think that it's kind of my new start dealio. But I've wanted my room to be yellow for a while now.
I'm just so happy :D I needed this, you don't know how bad I needed this. I don't think I even remember what it was like to be this happy about a decision that you made.
*happy sigh*

[Love you NJN <3]

(Should I start signing my name at the end of these so that you don't think my name is Nicole? Because I can see some possible confusion...?)

Well, tomorrow, then.

My aunt isn't home from her class yet, and it's late. So we won't be leaving until tomorrow morning then. I'm so anxious to be home, though.
But I don't mind being here. My (other) aunt's dogs love me :]
Tito is laying next to me right now. Koby would probably be here if Tito left some room, or if I wasn't on the computer.
My uncle is watching Antique Road Show at the moment.
The last weekend I was in Burt, I was at my cousin's house and we were watching Antique Road Show, and my mom was texting me. She said she was watching TV and I was like, 'Cool. Me too. We're watching Antique Road Show'. And then she texted back saying she was watching it too XD It was funny. I dunno. I thought I'd tell you.

[NJN <3]

My School Situation

Alright, so I couldn't do the online thing, because it would cost too much money and I'm already loosing a ton because I'm withdrawing from the winter semester. So that's that, I guess.
I get half of my tuition back, so I don't know if that means what I already owe them is payed for or not. It's really confusing. I'm going to have my parents help me out with it when I get home either late tonight or tomorrow morning.
But this whole ordeal was really dumb and hard and frustrating.
My advice to you is to NEVER stay at a place that you hate and that makes you miserable and unhappy. Because chances are, something will happen that will just be a breaking point and you don't want to get into a sucky situation like this.
Plus I've been so worried about disappointing everybody and though everyone who matters is being very supportive of me, I ended up getting into a fight kind of, with my cousin. I don't know if fight is the right word, though. It was more of just him trying to be motivational and get me to stay at my school but I was like "Yeah, but I really can't do this right now and I don't want to be here, I want to be home with people that I care about and who care about me and can help me through this, and I have no one here" kind of thing. Like not those exact words all at once, but that's pretty much the gist of what I said throughout the conversation, and he was just (and I'm sorry about the language I'm about to use) a complete fucking ass to me. He ended up pretty much yelling at me, and I'm sorry but he's not even hardly involved in my life. He doesn't really know me that well.
My other cousins on my mom's side of the family -- they're like my best friends. They know me sooooo well. Enough that they've heard about this all enough to not be surprised at the end result. They understand the situation and are supportive. And that's what I need.
But now that this is pretty much done and over with, I'll be writing less about my whole school situation. I'll be focusing this blog more on my YouTube, and the other stuff going on in my life (finding a job, finally learning to drive, looking at new schools, etc).

[Miss you so much, Koley Joy <3]

Tomorrow tomorrow, it's only a day away...

I can't wait to go home. I'm going to call the Academic Advising office at my school tomorrow and try to get everything figured out. But no matter what, I get to go home <3333
Emily said she would film the Toenail Polish Video with me. And we're going to go visit a school this weekend.
I hope my aunt gets out of her class early so that we can go home tomorrow instead of Tuesday morning...
When I get home I'm going to snuggle up in my living room, put on a movie, and eat a whole box of hohos's with my sister. I miss you so much, Nicole...:(

Packing

I've done a lot a lot of packing.
My roommate is here right now and she has yet to acknowledge any of my packing. I'm actually kind of afraid for when she does because I don't really know what to say to her. I never told her anything about Nicole, or anything about me leaving my University.
She asked me if I wanted to bake cookies tonight and I said no, that I was going to my Aunt's tonight. That is true. I am going to my Aunt's. She asked me how long I was staying and I said until Tuesday. Also true. On Tuesday I'm going back home to Holland though, not back to here.
I feel like she's purposely avoiding obvious questions. That or she's just really really dumb (which might be the case, though for her sake I hope not).
I want to go to Toronto. I want to see Mark :'(

[Love you, Nicole]

Things are looking up...however slightly

I'm leaving my University.
It's the middle of the semester, but I'm doing it anyway.
I hate it here and I have no friends and I'd cry enough about that as it is.
Now with all that's happened I just can't be alone in a place that I hate and I'm leaving.
If I can do some of my classes online, I will. I don't want to waste money.
No, I am not dropping out of college. A lot of people take semesters off - which I might not even do if I can do some online classes - I'll just be transferring to a different University afterwards.
This won't make everything all of the sudden better.
But if I can do something to make me happy, not so miserable all the time, I have to do it.
I thought everyone would be so disappointed in me, but they're not. That's a good thing.
So that's that, I guess.
I'm going to do some packing and counselor visiting tomorrow and maybe Monday and then it's home sweet home for a loooooooong time <3

Love you so much, NJN <3

*Sigh*

I don't know when this is going to get easier.
I don't want to go back to school and try to move forward at a place that I hate.
I want to take the rest of this semester off, get a job at Steak and Shake with my friend, and just get through it that way. Mmmmrf.
I want to see my sister. And I want her to actually care about seeing me and stuff.
The problem is that I love everyone so much and I'm just somewhere on the sidelines of their lives.
Not so important.
Hmmmmm :'(

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is going to be so hard.
I don't even know how I'm going to handle it.
And then go back to school right afterwards.
Just how?!?
This is awful, guys.
Awful :'(

Upcoming Requested Videos :D

Alright, I've gotten a good amount of requests lately :]
So here's an update on what videos I'll be making that you've requested, and a time-table for about when you'll see it because some of them might not be made for a while.
Okay;

- Sweaters Video
I will gather up all of my hoodies, cardigans, etc and tell you which ones are my favourites, where I got them all, how much they cost (if I remember) and anything else I can think of about the sweaters. Since I've got a lot of requests for other videos, you'll probably see this video around the end of February unless I magically get a ton of video making time and feel up to it right away. A lot of video making is on hold until I feel better :(

- Tights and Socks Combo Video
I will show you different ways to wear different socks with different tights, and what's cute with what. BUT and I will get to this video as soon as I can, I need to get some more socks. I keep loosing them at my grandmas and at my house so whenever I'm at school I'm like running out of socks that are nice. So in a week or two maybe? When I have money for socks. Bahahahahaha.

- Nail Polish Video
I'm going to paint each of my toes a different colour of nail polish - I'll tell you which colour each toe is, how much it cost, and where I got it (if I remember). This might not happen for a while because I don't have that much nail polish. But as soon as I can. I promise. I saw some cute ones at Walgreens when I was out with my sis getting stuff for her tattoo. Oh - I'm probably going to have her in it when I do that video. So you will see 20 different shades of nail polish (at most - we might repeat hahaha) But yeah.

AND
I'll be doing a Tights Questionnaire Video for FML (Fashion My Legs) (I know, when I saw that I thought eff my life too, it's all good). I'm really excited about this one :D
I might not be able to make it for awhile, but I'll try.

Tattoo

Today I went with Dave and my sister when they go their tattoos.
They say:

This too shall pass
NJN Dt. 30:1

And it's on their wrists. I miss Nicole so bad :'(
And it's so hard because I'm starting to get a lot of requests for things on YouTube and I want to make videos for all of you guys but I'm going through such a hard time.
I love you all. I have a video that I'll upload soon that I recorded a few days ago.

I'm quite sure that soon I'll be getting a tattoo. Just a small one on my big toe that says:

njn ♥

Just simple. And in the summer when I'm wearing flip flops I'll see it everyday. And it's perfect, because I spent so much time with her over the summer.
I'm trying so hard not to cry right now.

What's funny is I know that if I showed her my YouTube or my blog or anything, she would laugh at me so hard.
I love her so much.

:'(

Nothing feels alright

I would usually be ecstatic that so many people like one of my videos.
But I just can't feel happy right now. Now that you're gone.
I love you so much, Nicole :'(

Praying

I'm not a religious person, and I don't know what I believe.
But I'm going to do everything I possibly can for Nicole <3
I know she can get through this, and I want to help her in any way possible, and I want as many people to help pray and send good thoughts as possible. And I know that no one is reading this blog at this point, but sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, you know?
I just want her to get better. To be able to hold her baby boy and kiss his toes.
This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, I'm constantly on edge, constantly waiting for news, hoping for the best, dreading the worst. And I know it's only half as hard for me as it is for all of her family, and her closer friends.
I love her and I want her to get better so bad. It's what I wish for, pray for, think about...
My eyes constantly brim with tears - I have to calm myself constantly to make them retreat.
I wrote a poem about her in my creative writing class today. I used to just write a poem when asked to for class. I'm not used to writing them about my feelings.
You can do this Nicole, I know it.
I love you.

ELF Order

YAAAAAAY IT CAME IT CAME :D
I get so excited when I get packages. Actually, I get super excited about mail in general. When I'm at home, I'm always the one who wants to run out to the mailbox. I can't wait until I'm older and live on my own and all the mail that comes is for me or my future husband :P
But then again, most of it will be bills and that's no fun. Hahaha.
Anyway, here's a list of the things that I got, in case anyone was wondering (though to my knowledge as of this time, no one reads this blog hehe):
- High Definition Powder
- Complexion Perfecter
- Lip Primer and Plumper
- Eyeshadow Primer
- Concealer Brush
- Eye Defining Brush
- Crease Brush
- Studio Powder Brush
- Studio Complexion Brush

So...yay! I can't wait to make my videos about it for you guys, and remember! Today my roommate has work this evening so I'll be filming *drumroll* the Tights Video!!
I will also be filming the haul video and possibly a newly requested sweaters video.
So by the end of tonight I will probably be really sick of filming and won't do it for a bit. But I won't be posting these all on the same days either, so you guys won't notice any absence haha.
Ohh and I never wanted to hit the 'subscribe' thing really hard, but I really want to do my contest and it would be no fun at all if a lot of people didn't enter...so I'm going to have to start asking I think :/
Oh well, it'll be worth it. :]

21 Subscribers :D

I know that that's not a very big number, but when I made my YouTube account, I didn't expect anyone to subscribe. And when I started legitimately making videos I thought maybe 6 or 7 subscribers. But now I have more than I can count on my hands!
More.
Than I can count.
On my hands.
o.O
So I got to thinking, if I'm going to get more subscribers sometime, maybe I should do a contest.
If I get to 100 I'll do a contest I think. Or should it be sooner?
Hmmmmmm...

It's not fair :'(

My sister's best friend Nicole is really really sick.
She just had a baby boy on Thursday and I guess she was bleeding internally and they didn't know.
Everything seemed okay on Friday, and yesterday morning my mom texts me saying that Nicole has a blood clot. I was worried but it seemed like she'd be okay.
Then a few hours later my mom texts me saying that she had a heart attack :'(
I wake up today to a text saying that her heart stopped a few times during the night, and if it stops again her family decided that they're not going to revive her.
Now I hear that she has other organs that are failing.
I just want her to get better, it's not fair :'(
I love her and I was so happy for her all of last week and then this happens and now it's just awfulness and awfulness piling up and it's just not okay. It's not.
Poor Nicole. Poor Riley. Poor Emily. Poor Nyboers. Just WHY?? :'(

Amanda At Midnight

It's this kind of thing that is why I thought of my YouTube name.
Being up every night past midnight. Getting the most bored at around this time. 'Wasting' time on the internet the most at around this time...

Though honestly I now spend a LARGE LARGE majority of my time on the internet.
Too much of my time.
But whatever. It's working out, so whatever.

Anyway, tonight has been really really fun.
I'm out of town, at my Grandmas. And that means hanging out with my cousins etc.
And lots of fun.
They're like, my best friends - and that's why it's so perfect that we're family :]

Hope you guys are having great nights too.
Though I'm pretty tired now, honestly.
Up a bit too late last night with not enough sleep, since I didn't get to sleep in.

But yeah. Have a wonderful evening :D

My Upcoming Videos

These are things for you guys to look forward to if you watch my YouTube :]
Some of them will even say when I'll film them. And there will always be random videos and Outfits of the Days at any time, so you won't find those prepared for here.
If I film a video, I'll come back and cross it out so you know to look for it :]
Here we go;

- The ever requested Tights Video (Filming Tuesday Evening)

- Diana F+ Deluxe Kit show and tell/review video

- Things I Wish I Knew In Middle School series
In this series I'll be talking about a bunch of things (each with their own separate video, of course) that would have benefited me, had I known them ages 11-14. I'm not sure when I'll begin filming this series, but it seemed like a good idea, since middle school is such a tough time.

- E.L.F. Haul
This video will be filmed once I get my package. I ordered some brushes and makeup and I'm really excited to try them out. I purchased these items with my own money, in case you were wondering. I am nowhere near the point where companies will want to send me things.

- E.L.F. Review
This video will be filmed anywhere from two weeks to a month after I receive my package, once I've had time to try out the products. I think it will be a good thing to review, since Eyes Lips Face cosmetics are so inexpensive that people (including myself) are very skeptical. I watched a bunch of reviews before placing my order, so adding mine to the pot would probably be helpful.

- Etsy/Ebay Haul
This video will be filmed once I get my Etsy and Ebay orders. It won't be a big haul video, but I like sharing :]

- Monthly Haul Videos
Once a month I do a Haul video, showing you guys what I've purchased so that you know what's out there right now. I'll also tell you what I think of the product good/bad/etc. This month may not have a haul video since I'm doing a bunch of individual ones.

- Holiday Haul Videos
Whenever one of these happens, it will be separate from the monthly haul. For example, my Christmas Haul was separate from my December Haul.
Coming up is Valentines Day (I will show you what I got from my boyfriend and tell you about our date), Easter, and my birthday. I know certain things about gifts etc about these holidays already, but I think I'll let it be a 'surprise' for you guys (though I'm sure you're not on the edge of your seats).

- Spring Break Video
I will try to film during my spring break, while I'm at home and in Toronto. After Spring Break I will film a video about my trip and edit it all together nicely for you guys. This will probably be my first more legitimately edited video, since most of my current editing just involves eliminating awkwardness and cutting down for time (though now it's just me trying to conserve a bit of your time since my account no longer has that 15 minute time limit - yay!)

And that's what I've got in the works right now. I hope you guys like them :]

The First Entry...

Hello. Since this is entry number one, I doubt this will really be read by anyone, but I'm still going to properly introduce myself to you all, even though I don't know who you all are.
My name is Amanda. I'm 18 years old and in University. I am majoring in Art Education with a concentration in Photography and a minor in Psychology. Originally I wanted to major in Photography, but since most art teachers are working artists anyway, I figured that this should be the thing I do first, something to offer me a stable job. And then I can pursue my own art, maybe even get a second degree, that one being in Photography. And since I would already have my teaching certificate, I could teach photography to others at a higher level. So obviously I've thought this all through. Except I haven't.
I wanted to go to art school, but art school is more expensive than normal university (at least the ones I wanted to go to) so I had to settle. The school I settled on is far away from my home and I regret that and am constantly homesick.
I feel that I am much more expressive/talkative in my writing than I am around actual people and in real situations - I'm shy. So needless to say, I have very few friends here in the few months that I've been at this university.
And no, I will not be telling you the school I attend, because I don't like sharing a ton of personal information of that nature. If you read this you'll learn a lot about me, but I'll not be telling you my identification information. Hahaha :P Not that I think you're all creepers. I don't think anyone should give people they don't know personally that info (unless you're like buying something online or whatever but I'm loosing my focus so AHEM).
I should not drink coffee. I rarely drink it, but I drank it before doing this and coffee makes me kind of crazy. So that's that I guess.
IN OTHER NEWS.
I have a YouTube account. It was made so that I could upload random videos onto it. BUT I got bored one day, and I'm subscribed to a lot of makeup gurus, and there was a lot of 'What's in my bag' tags happening at the beginning of the school year. So I made one. And I deleted it a week later.
BUT IT STARTED SOMETHING o.O
I liked making videos. And I figured that the more I did it the less shy I would eventually become, because I would have to improve, right? Get better at talking to the camera - to you, my possible viewers - and that it would help me in other areas of my life.
You can't be a teacher but be too shy to talk to your students. It wouldn't work. No.
And plus, my boyfriends cousin is a YouTube makeup guru, so I knew someone who did it. That wouldn't be important except that learning that she did this, and she had actually made partner etc, made ALL the makeup gurus seem more personable (because she's really really nice, I like her) and made it seem more like something I could do.
No, I'm not trying to make partner. No, I don't want to copy my boyfriend's cousin.
I just think it's fun. It's something to do that I want to get better at. I do a lot of editing to my videos, and my favourite gurus seem to just post their videos with minimal editing. I want to get to that point, because that will mean that I'm much less awkward, talking to the camera/my viewers.
And I do want to get a bunch of subscribers and comments and views and stuff :] That would mean that I'm doing well, and it's good to be competitive with things. I'm very competitive with my artwork as well, and film is just another form of art.
You see, if I get better at YouTube and video editing, I can move forward to other things with film. I love writing, and the only reason I'm not studying that is that I'd much rather use my own natural creativity than follow any type of structure that they're going to try to teach me. I've written a screenplay of my very own. I recently wrote one for my friend, Brenna.
So, on my own time once I improve with things, I'd like to do some filming of my own. But right now, I'm just going to try to show you all things that I know. I really like shopping and fashion and makeup and I know that there are people like myself who want to see all of that. If you want me to show you more art related things (and some art related things are coming, in case you were wondering) then I will. I'm really good with requests.
But this is getting pretty long. And I have other stuff I want to write on here. So away we go!